TableTop BornStar v0.9 (NSFW)

How do you gain fame ?

I have some constructive criticism. But I first want to acknowledge that Basilicata is doing something innovative combining visual novel and board game mechanics. That is a new idea, I have currently not seen anyone else attempt this. I do like the concept of blending these two things, I just also think there is room for improvement. Yet I am aware that with being the first to do something new, it is likely not everything is going to be perfect. However I still wanted share my thoughts.

This paragraph I want to speak directly Basilicata. I am aware the constructive criticism I have would probably require you to redesign part of the game engine or mechanics from the game's start. Given how far you are in development and how much you have already done, I understand this would likely be consider as unreasonable suggestions. So I will both understand and respect if you choose not to implement anything I am about to say here for this game. Yet I still want to share my constructive criticism so maybe they could consider it in a future game. Or the off chance another game developer sees this comment and maybe they will keep in their minds.

My criticism is with the board game aspect. It is the part of the game we have the most interactions with, which makes sense given the game's title. However the board game part to me seems lacking in choices and too dependent on luck. You roll a die, move to the random the number the die rolled, and then your only choice is whether or not you use the spot you landed on. This limits your options and prevents you from trying to strategize. If were wanting to specialize and focuses on a skill, like dexterity or stamina, you can't. You can't make choices trying to focusing on anyone one skill, you are limited to the random number of the single die. I have some suggestions of how this issues could be addressed.

I want to make something clear first. The following suggestions are base on my experience playing physical board games. I have zero idea how hard or easy anything I am about to suggest would be to program for a computer game.

Add more dice: Instead of just one die, roll three dice. And then the player can pick which dice number the want to use. You still keep a random factor of luck, but also would give the player a bit more freedom of choice in what to do with the dice roll.

Add cards: Keep the single die system, but add a deck of movement cards to go with it. They draw four or five cards at the start of the round, and that is all the cards they have for the round. (Unless you wanted to add events were they could gain cards.) The cards add or subtract movement from the die roll. (Or just add if you do not want to deal with subtraction.) The cards randomly drawn have different numbers how many movements they add or subtract. Player rolls the die, and have the choice of do they want to keep the die roll as is, or play one of their cards to change how far they move. Personally I think it might be best if the cards only range from adding or subtracting 1-3, but feel free to disagree with me on that. You still have the random luck factor of the die, added with the random factor of the cards drawn, but the player then has the choice of when to use the cards they were given, and also which card to use. A choice they can ponder with each die roll until they run out of cards.

Replace die with cards: Draw a hand cards with different movement amounts instead of rolling a die. There are a few options how you can do this.

1. They have to use up the current hand cards before they can draw new cards. If the player is smart they will look at their cards and make a plan of what order they play them to land on the spaces they want. Mix strategy with luck as the cards are still random.

2. They draw new hand each turn and pick which card they play. You still have a random luck factor, but again just like with my add more dice suggestion the player has more freedom of choice in the mater.

Beyond that parts of the story aspects I have seen thus far is intriguing. Does make me curious how different stories might end. That criticism I have that is not exactly game board related is the skipping the tutorial, mainly I just wanted a option to skip the tutorial without being a jerk to Mercedes. When I restarted and skip the tutorial I kind of felt playing the tutorial was the only way to be less mean and less of a jerk to Mercedes. There was no point to be that mean just because I did not want to play the tutorial again.

I wish you the best of luck in finishing your game.

The 0.7 link takes me to downloads for 0.6.

Why i cannot repley sex scene in gallery ????????? That just worst man. You have masterpiece art but when i click gallery i cannot reply the scene that i wanted.

v0.6 is no longer available on MEGA. Can you please check and re-upload? v.0.57 can be downloaded.

any femdom in this game and character name, please?

female on male domination

Thank you for making such a great and sexy game!

Here we go....

Some of these are easier to implement then others and you may end up not being able to do some of them because of the game engine you are using but there isn't a single one that won't enhance the game experience and they require a lot more animation and game overhaul but I promise you the end result will be worth it in the end.

The gameboard MUST be overhauled from the ground up. It is the thing players will see for 95% of the length of the game. Your artwork quality is absolutely spectacular it must extend to the gameboard it just has to.

Add Icons to the spaces themselves change the hue of the pink and orangish red spaces I absolutely get the retro feel of 8 or 16 bit colors only being available but you are using way more than that many hues in your artwork so there is no reason to be a stickler for that on the gameboard. Overhauling the look and feel of that board should be the very first visual related thing you do. No one will get to round 22 without doing so most won't even get to round 10.

The gameboard itself must evolve over time

You need to add 10x more tongue in cheek nostalgia references it could be quite a bit more than that.

The player must interact with the board in some way
You MUST have penalty's on the board significant ones. You have a handful in your wild cards but there needs to be some seriously steep ones.

Because this is a visual novel you don't need a game over. You can have very severe consequential narrative shifts in the story (that are temporary until back in the black) FOR losing all of your money. As Mary Jane is the main character and you play from her perspective on the game board itself depending on that pure or perv character trait (for either Mary Jane and/or the player character the consequences should be reflecting. A more pervy Mary Jane would try to turn tricks with or without telling you in order to make the money back (you don't HAVE to animate EVERYTHING I see firsthand just how long those animations take you. How long did that Mercedes animation in Round 22 take? two weeks a month? It is so damn good. Those kind of animations should be reserved for extraordinary checkpoints in the game but you have to get to them quicker. A more pure Mary Jane would sell her own possessions because she doesn't want to trouble you come to you crying and apologizing and you would console her. Its that straightforward. Two specific "negative ends" that can absolutely go back to the 

The pure/perv narrative I genuinely think is the most important improvement you can make and I have absolutely no idea how you can implement it I have plenty of experience playing individual games but none making them. I don't know how this can possibly be done on ren'py I really don't. And since this is your 2nd game and you mention Game Development isn't your main job and you are taking considerable time to getting better at coding (hence the main reason you decided to add gameplay elements to your next visual novel to get more experience with it directly) if you feel that kind of Gameplay mechanic is going to be too difficult to implement then I strongly recommend seeking outside help. Be it from more experienced developers in the gaming community or straight up having another developer handle that specific part for you. The only way I can think of to make it work Is to prompt the player with a big ass warning right in the middle of the screen once the reach a certain amount of perv or innocence (again whatever the hell you want to call it that this will permanently effect the story path for the duration of your current playthrough. Then you have an initial story (maybe to round 10 which should equate to about an hour to an hour and a half of gameplay at the absolute most that) you can then shift to either Story A or Story B without ever having to worry about a random line of pervy dialogue sneaking its way into overlapping into the pure or innocence route. This is the only way I think it can be done without it drastically increasing the development time and bug checking needed to implement. A permanent change that the player knows is going to happen at which point the board itself changes to be more pervy or more innocent. (Still sex (which means you need a ton of gentle sex animations too) but more of falling in love with her trying to protect her while redeeming your name in the industry kind of thing.

While your perv plot is already pretty great as it is. Round 22 and Round 23 make a very specific revelation that I kind of already saw coming but you finally spell out for the player and the dialogue choices you use to do so are top tier scriptwriting lvl so again well done there! But I won't mention it because I don't want to spoil the surprise for the player.

The player being a shadow works perfect for the darker pervier route but you should choose a different hue for the more romantic purity route. I don't know what that hue is research  how different colors evoke different emotions but whether justified or not a "Black Shadow" (which shouldn't be a race thing under any circumstances but unfortunately is often attributed as such) is the absolute perfect (form) of the "grooming" route. "Mysterious/Dangerous/Anonymous/Sinister. But I have absolutely no idea what the protagonist should look like for a less "sinister" vibe as making the avatar "whiter or lighter in hue which is usually whether fairly or not attributed to more of the "good guy" The whole western bad guy wears the black hat and the good guy wears the white hat trope.

90s references Make more. When you think you have enough add more. and More and more. This tongue in cheek little jokes will add some levity to the absolutely heartbreaking story I sense you have crafted here. Its 4th wall stuff so it shouldn't take away from the story IF it takes place in rounds where "nothing happens or is unlocked" if you have great 90's references every few rounds and/or reference them through the game board chance cards themselves players WILL stick around for a round or two that isn't "lewd" and they will do it OVER and OVER again as long as you keep the hits coming.

So the starcraft II screen as cute as it is with the text "I love playing videogames it is the only thing I can do while being forced to stay here" or whatever it says. doesn't suffice. You need to directly "but probably through parody 4th wallish form make as many references as you possibly can.

So far in 4 hours of gameplay I have seen about 15 or 20. The types of clothes people wear. Downloading a porn picture. Starcraft/ Halflife/ Ultima? VHS/ Pager/ CRT TV/ Old as dirt Computer YTK and....that is about it. This is actually of everything I complained about before my own secret beef with your game. The whole reason I checked out your game was to expect cheesy 90's references alongside the porn. That is the entire reason I clicked download. And there is no way I am the only one.

I am going to time myself right now and type out as many references for you as I can 3 minutes for evil grooming route and then 3 minutes for saving the girl while redeeming yourself route. You could probably add (some of these or a good half of these as internal dialogue and some of them should involve the other characters as well. You will know the ones I am talking about as you see them. But with the barrage of suggestions I am about to give you even if you used every single one of them It still won't account for even 10% of the references you need. My honest opinion would be to set aside a week to do nothing but research 90's pop culture. Draw your own experiences look at major news events which tv shows were popular events that happened etc. If it is in the 90's you need to TRANSPORT ME THERE. I have to FEEL like I am in 1999 not read it. It's a game therefore the actual experience has to feel lived. This comes from experience.

 I am actually a writer myself and a comedian but my work ethic is trash unfortunately. It is always so much easier to give advice and criticism to others then to finish your own work right? I am bad at about 99% of things in this world but writing and comedy are not one of them. Making people laugh cry and express rage through writing is as easy as breathing to me. If I give you advice on writing or comedy I STRONGLY suggest you take it. I don't have the credibility because I haven't finished a single damn project But I have more unfinished projects in journals harddrives and audio files then I would ever feel comfortable admitting. I am entirely aware it comes off as egotistical and arrogant and I will own that entirely its the one thing in the world I am good at and I will scream it from the top of a mountain with an intercom. I have thought of being a motivational speaker but I don't have any finished works so it is pretty contradictory. Anyway here are your 90's references.

I am only guessing based off of how long it took to get to the point it did in game (which you really really really need to decrease significantly. (just show more dialogue in between rounds and lower the round count) I think you expect your game to be a visual novel that takes about 15-20 hours to complete everything. You probably didn't start off with a number that high but as your story expanded more and more it got there. You need a 90's reference whether serious, sarcastic, humorous or 4th wall breaking like every 5 to 10 minutes worth of gameplay. They don't all have to be from the player perspective but they  need to be happening constantly through the whole game. The most important rule of comedy is that a laugh a minute isn't nearly enough. laugh a minute applies to MOVIES. Comedies are the most harshly judged films and yet they are the hardest to write and act in. Anyways enough rambling (90% of my comedy material is just making fun of my many many random thoughts and idiosyncracies) on to the actual suggestions I said I would give you 5 paragraphs ago.

bop it joke

watching fuzzy porn on tv

rule 34

leisure suit larry (once praising it/ once making fun of how easy the age question is to circumvent/ once making fun of how terrible it looks or how tedious it is (poking fun at the state of the games in the adult industry in the 90s. Also known as the 5 games that had ever released.

jacking off to a porn magazine secretly while mary jane or another character knocks on the door you drop the magazine in the toilet in surprise and it starts overflowing

you've got mail

phone calls to america online begging them to give you a few more hours to have internet/ and or stealing america online trail discs from neighbors

blue screen of death

going to our website is as easy as typing http://www.mindspring.com/mail/inbox/user.php

(lol of course it turned into a link ><)

AOL instant messenger

at least 20 videogame references at least 10 movie references and at least 10 tv show references a handful of newspaper articles.

pure (gonna save the girl and win her heart route)

sleepless in seattle

friends

titanic

sonic

mario

(evil grooming her to do your bidding route)

Nighttrap sega cd game

silence of the lambs

mortal Kombat

Deliverance

Misery

(Sexual joke about the Shining sisters "come play with us")

tetris

(themes of manipulation basically)

PARENTAL ADVISORY EXPLICIT

I PERSONALLY would also throw in a ton of political jokes but that WILL divide your audience BUT I also see from your other game that you go out of your way to make it inclusive which leads me to believe you slant a certain way anyway. And to put it in plain english

Your game is text heavy and is a slow burn for the porn

That other audience you lose is not going to be interested in investing the time to get to the meat of the story. 

Make fun of the art of the deal

buy random nonsense off of QVC

Make fun of the hypocrisy of the church

reference the church calling D&D/Pokemon/Mortal Kombat (satanic and evil)

(pure route)

be trolled in one of the game references

(evil route) troll someone in one of the game references

(random stuff Mary Jane can come across)

Slap Bracelets

Bedazzling

Tupperware Parties (could be a cover for escort service?)

Pogs

Hairspray

(Oh right you gotta reference the hell out of MTV too)

I would also put a direct reference to Heavy Metal and "Take on Me" in there since you are clearly inspired by both in your artwork unknowingly or otherwise. 

There that is like 30 something references. You still need a few hundred more.

I  know you can do it because as a writer myself your narrative is spectacular! I want as many people as possible to be able to read your story that just keeps getting better and better and they won't if they abandon it do to lack of feeling invested in it.

and of course keep the porn coming

Oh and I will play the game to round 33 if that is how far it is along once it's only fair to you for me to do so after that barrage of "suggestions" and I will check out your other visual novel as the story you are telling here seems to have potential.

Before I forget (as I won't be playing the game for awhile to let it develop further)

The biggest issue is the monotony. if you are truly using a tabletop mechanic you CANNOT under ANY circumstanes use the same two lines of text for encounters you will hit over and over and over again. I would suspect every box on that board will be hit several hundred if not several thousand times. Excluding the "round trip roundup and first introduction" its the same exact dialogue EVERY time. You can put a bandaid on this SOMEWHAT by randomizing maybe 5 to 10 different possible interactions (and I don't even know how that can be done with this type of game design) The best you could hope for is each of the job icons having different dialog at this point.

It feels like you are taking a game engine designed for a visual novel and stretching it for the gimmick of a board game. But since the game design is visual novel and not tabletop mechanic the randomization can only go so far. You are still beholden to recycling specific stills and specific dialogue boxes in a specific sequence. The only random thing is the spot you land on. The dialogue and the way it lvls is the same. It is way too generic. I don't really know what advice I give that you should take because some of it contradicts but unless you can seriously overhaul the tabletop aspect and put in A LOT more "text windows" give clear indicators of "progress to next lvl etc.....then I fear for this game.

Round 20 Dex 16 Stam 20 Drama 8 Perv 6 About 410 gold.

I really like your illustrations and I get where you are coming from with the plot you are telling but and this is NOT directed just at you but at every unfinished game I play that doesn't do this.

You need to have some kind of in game indicators or warnings that "this content is not yet available" or "coming soon"

I refuse to believe you would expect a player to have stats that high and still not have ranked up in job. That I would have received the 200 gold for a photo portfolio and 6 rounds later still hadn't taken it. Things happen way to slow. There is a lot of monotony here. There is a really great idea of a game here and you state here that it is unfinished but it is better to give some kind of indicator of WHAT is and isn't finished. Its clear you have tutorials and data cards for content that you don't yet have in the game. 

Again I get that it is unfinished but it is frustrating to me the player to not know WHAT IS AND ISNT playable. I can tell there is a lot of "empty space" in certain areas.   But you are working on the game it isn't finished.

Yet giving no indicator to the player ingame whatsoever that x feature is not yet complete just leaves them grasping at straws and reduces your credibility. It shouldn't. But it does. Pacing is really important in a story I thought it was about the tabletop game when I first started it but now it seems like a good unfinished visual novel using tabletop mechanics to drip out the story. Without some  serious overhauls to the tabletop aspect itself. I am guessing the sex shop and party icons aren't going to activate anytime soon. This is just to monotonous. You have what I assume is a good story about helping or corrupting a young girl on the run to hollywood but the tabletop aspect just fragments it out and chops it in to pieces.

I really like your artwork and I really like your characters as it stands I do not like your game. It seems like it is trying too hard to be two things while not finishing either one. But again it is unfinished. I will give it another try when it is much further along in development. If the game is dependant on the tabletop mechanics though then they have to be far less generic than they are currently.

Just finished a run and I have to say it was quite enjoyable, I look forward to the next update.

Have you finished tabletop yet. It's a fun game I'd love to buy it now if it's done